Sally LeBoy, M.S. M.F.T.

Lic #MFT14768
619-685-5975
E-Mail: Sally_leboy@hotmail.com

Surviving Divorce: Divorce Mediation

Divorce mediation is becoming an increasingly popular alternative to the traditional litigated divorce. There is good reason for this trend. Many, including divorce attorneys, judges, and family therapists, have come to believe that mediation significantly reduces the emotional trauma as well as the financial hardship associated with divorce. Especially in a state like California, where divorce is treated as the dissolution of a contract with no blame attached to either party and the division of assets and debts equally divided, there is little reason to engage in a litigious process. Even the issue of child support is easily determined by a standard formula prescribed by the state. Spousal support, while not determined by a formula, is generally awarded based on recognized guidelines. In short, the outcome of a divorce, except in highly complicated situations, is fairly predictable from the onset. Litigation under these circumstances becomes an expensive and painful process to bring about a resolution that could be fairly easily arrived at by parties willing to negotiate and compromise.

So why don't more people mediate? First, there are many people who are not aware of this option. Secondly, people erroneously believe that without legal representation, they will get taken advantage of. People believe that mediation is a "soft" process and that without being represented by a lawyer, important issues will be distorted or overlooked. Women tend to be more reluctant than men to seek mediation, fearing that without an attorney they will get steamrolled. Men, on the other hand, are often attracted to mediation because they tend to be more confident about their own negotiating skills. The truth is that mediation offers a fair, balanced process in which the needs of both parties can be addressed and successfully negotiated.

What is mediation? Typically, mediation involves a number of sessions with the divorcing spouses and a trained mediator or mediators. The number of sessions depends on the complexity of the issues to be resolved, and the willingness of the spouses to negotiate and compromise. Three to eight sessions are standard.

All Marital Settlement Agreements (MSAs) must address the following issues:

1. Division of assets and liabilities
2. Child custody
3. Child support
4. Spousal support.

The role of the mediator(s) is important to understand. She is a guide and source of information. She does not represent either party. Each spouse represents him/herself. Each is free to consult with an attorney on an as needed basis and it is recommended that prior to signing, the final agreement be reviewed by an independent attorney. The mediator can offer information and general guidelines that may be useful in coming to decisions, but ultimately, the couple reaches their own unique agreement. When the information is available, most couples are quite capable of reaching an equitable agreement that takes into account their families' particular needs. This outcome is highly preferable to outcomes imposed by the court, often out of the control of the individuals who will have to live with the consequences for many years to come.

No one is suggesting that mediation is a painless process. Ending a marriage has emotional consequences to everyone involved. However, through the process of mediation, divorcing couples will experience a greater sense of control, less emotional upheaval and far less financial hardship than through the traditional litigated divorce process.